Bits and Bytes
by pyrrhicvictoly
Summary: A geek-girl-nation's life in a sum of parts. It's complicated. And catty.
1. Typhoon Season

**Typhoon Season**

It was a beautiful day as the girls gathered outside Vietnam's house. They relaxed, sipping coconut juice on the shaded porch or lolling around on the grass. And they chatted about the little things. Without the men to look down on them, they had become rather... uninhibited about sharing their opinions.

As far as female nations go, few have ever managed to become superpowers. This is because men are power-hungry assholes who have pretty much raped and pillaged their way through history.

Not that some of the girls hadn't also done their own share of conquering... But still. It gave them something to bitch about when the boys weren't around. For the Asian girls, talking about who's hot and who's not is sometimes (okay, always) a lot easier than addressing some of the deeper issues of global gender equality, especially since conversations regarding the latter have a tendency to send most of them into a spiral of rage and tears over how badly their own people sometimes treat them.

So they talk about hunky Germany and his sausages, and how much _pho_ it would take to get Italy in bed (if it would take any at all, or if just the mention of noodle-y goodness would be enough to fire up his engines), and why Sweden calls Finland his "wife" when it's Sweden who stays home making furniture and taking care of their kid while Finland polishes the rifles and takes mercenary work.

It's always just mindless small talk. Except when it isn't.

"Mongolia's kind of okay these days, but it could just be that he's still sulking over the loss of his empire," Vietnam said. "Hmm... I almost miss beating the crap out of him." She had a bored look on her face as she idly twirled the end of her ponytail. Being one of the oldest among them, it seemed she had outgrown talk about the hotness level of boys and turned more toward reminiscing about the pleasures of humiliating them.

"Er... Yeah... I never really talked to him, so I wouldn't know," Indonesia said. "But from my experience, China's a condescending douche, so I would understand Mongolia wanting to teach him a lesson. No offense, Taiwan, but sometimes your brother needs to be taken down a peg or two."

Taiwan brushed the comment aside. "None taken. Brother's such an idiot sometimes, but then..." She trailed off with a contemplative look in her eyes. "Well, sometimes Japan's even more of a condescending douche."

"Really? We hadn't noticed. I mean, it's not as if his obsession with harem anime stems from his twisted fantasies about us or anything. And it's not as if he kept trying to invade our vital regions," Malaysia said with a sneer. "Oh wait, he did."

Wow. Sarcasm was so mature, Taiwan thought. "I wasn't talking about that time; I meant now. The meek and polite act is just so he won't get slapped for saying what he's really thinking about us. Like you said, the harem fantasy part."

Sometimes Taiwan wondered why the Western nations all thought he was so nice. Was it because they couldn't read the atmosphere? Or was it just that he only let his creepy bastard side show when he was with the nations whom he insisted were not related to him at all because he was a special snowflake who magically rose out of the sea one day when a Shinto god spooged out some islands and peopled them. Of course he hadn't been Made in Korea. Of course. And his early sex education (in the form of myths about masturbating gods) had been perfectly sound, which was why he lived such a repressed life while keeping an entire kinky sex dungeon hidden under the floorboards under the tatami mat in the guest room that was never loaned out because it had been undergoing "remodeling" - or so he said - for the better half of the past century.

Of course.

Either way, railing against Japan was always good for group solidarity, Taiwan thought. Unless it was nearing typhoon season, which she had forgotten that it was until she was rudely awakened to this fact.

"Us? What, you two had a lover's spat and now you think you're one of us?"

"Am I not?" Taiwan frowned. "Stop being such a bitch, Malaysia. Or what, has this turned into some kind of ASEAN members only club? You're trying to kick me out because of your own raging inferiority complex, is that it?"

Okay, so sometimes the others were catty with her, and she was catty right back, and then they had epic bitchfights that made Vietnam facepalm a lot and punt them off her land. This was exacerbated by the fact that their cycles were in sync, which meant synchronized PMS and synchronized visits from Aunt Flo, which... by their being nations, was really Aunt Flood. (Damn you, Mother Nature!)

Truth be told, Philippines had been looking a little bloated recently. If it was the PMS rather than something she ate, then that would explain the others' current bitchiness.

Speaking of... Malaysia's knuckles cracked ominously. "Or maybe it's your own overblown ego talking. Not everyone wants to be like you, Chinagirl!"

"Oh, yeah, because racism is totally the best way to deal with your own failures!" Taiwan conveniently pretended not to remember what she'd thought about sarcasm and immaturity.

"Uh, um... Singapore's cute..." little Brunei said. Her fingers were furiously twiddling with the hem of her skirt and her eyes darted wildly as she tried to diffuse the situation.

Poor Brunei... Stuck between loyalty to her older sisters and her best friend Singapore, who happened to be on very good terms with China and his siblings. Poor Singapore, too, who was perhaps the one speck of racial and religious harmony on a continent full of resentment... For now, anyway.

At least everyone liked Singapore, so he was a safe topic. Taiwan heaved a sigh. "Yeah, I like Singapore. He's nice."

"Tch. You would," Malaysia grumbled. She might have also thrown in something about that sounded like "slut", at which Taiwan glared and gritted her teeth.

"I meant that I liked him in a brotherly way..."

At that, Indonesia coughed into her hand something that sounded like "brother-stealer", which had Taiwan turning to glare the other way.

_Calm down. Calm. Cool as a cucumber, that's you, Taiwan. You will not use your amazing powers of bitch-fu on their faces..._ "Hey, he's visiting my place next week, if you guys wanna come over..."

Philippines whipped around, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "I swear, if you're planning on making me clean your house, I will hit you," she said.

Oh, that was it! That was the last straw! _Shit, Philippines! What is up with your maid complex? Just because I hired you to clean my house a couple of times doesn't mean that's all I ever talk to you about!_

"You've already hit me," Taiwan snapped back. "Multiple times, even! If you hit me again, I will hit you back _so_ hard! I'll hit you with Jay Chou! And boy bands! You'll never get their songs out of your head! I'll... I'll convince Korea that you're in love with him and have _him_ boy-band you to death!"

"Singapore's cute if you don't mind feeling like a cradle robber. Mmm... but Hong Kong's cuter." Vietnam had taken to lying down on the grass with her hat perched just so. It blocked the sun perfectly while allowing her to continue cloud-watching. She didn't even bother to rejoin her squabbling guests at the table. "Or, at least, he'd be more fun to conquer."

It also wasn't quite clear if she had said that last sentence, or if her guests had just hallucinated it. Either way, they pretended it had never happened.

"Pssh! With those eyebrows? I'd take Thailand over him any day," Indonesia said.

Malaysia jumped in on her sister's coattails with a smirk directed at Taiwan. "Yeah, he's all gross and covered in China-slobber."

"Hey! Leave Hong alone!" _You're covered in China-slobber_, she retorted in her mind. _Or does 20% of the population mean nothing to you?_

"Uh, um... America... is also nice... I like training with him..." Brunei's hands migrated from her skirt to the ends of her headscarf, and she clutched the tails of fabric as she wobbled, looking faint at the prospect of possible violence.

"Don't fall for America, 'Nei. He's hot, but troublesome. Clingy. Never stops occupying your house even after you've broken up with him."

"Says America's number one fangirl... What would you know? America would never date you!"

"I heard it from Japan, duh."

"Your boyfriend was screwing another guy and you just _let_ him?"

"I told you, he's not my boyfriend." Secretly, though, she thought that even if he was, the 'screwing another guy' part would still be hot. And she _would_ probably be okay with it, as long as he let her take pictures... "Ahem. If anything, I'm his fag hag, and I don't think they screwed. Just... dated for a while. America didn't have a strong enough stomach for the sex dungeon."

The other girls turned a little green. Brunei began shaking like a leaf.

"Ahhh~" Vietnam exhaled as she stared up at the sky. "I almost miss beating the crap out of him, too."

* * *

**A/N:** Malaysia's racism was a reference to Ketuanan Melayu, which is horrible public policy and makes me put on my frowny face. :'(


	2. Sisterly Love

**Sisterly Love**

A voice called out from inside just as the door slammed open, torrents of rain spattering across the foyer.

"Yo, sis! Hope you don't mind me crashing at your place for-. Whoa, what the hell happened to you?"

Taiwan trudged into her house, covered in bruises and angry-looking scratch marks. She slammed the door behind her and glanced up to see her sister Fujian, unfashionable as ever in her ill-fitting business suit, hair pulled up in a severe bun, strutting out from Taiwan's kitchen as if she owned the place.

Taiwan slouched against the door. Rain water dripped down from her hair and clothes, puddling onto the floor. Gasping, she simply said, "Typhoon season."

"Oh." Fujian's face was impassive. "Well. Have you eaten?"

-oOo-

Some of the Southeast girls said that Taiwan used to be one of their sisters - their oldest sister, to be exact - only she had hit her head on the rocks one too many times and was now a blood traitor cavorting around with that damned China who kept trying to kidnap them and claim to be their older brother all creepy-like.

They didn't know about his caring side, like the way he would cook for his wards or how much time he spent patiently teaching them calligraphy, poetry, performance arts, military science... Taiwan didn't think her brother was that bad, even if he might not have been her real brother after all, and even if he was an old-fashioned prude sometimes and total paranoid control freak. True, he also had that weird sibling complex where he kept picking up stray little nations and bringing them home, but he still wasn't that bad.

But if she wasn't actually his sister, then she wasn't actually Fujian's sister, either. Except that she was. She would always be Fujian's sister. Always.

A lot of those whom she called "siblings" weren't much related except in the way that all nations are related. Fujian was different. She was the one who had found Taiwan while exploring the islands looking for business opportunities, and she was the one responsible for most of Taiwan's upbringing when Brother wasn't around. (Also Fujian's fault as much as it was Japan's: her current obsession with BL manga. Because who else would have thought that homosexual erotica was suitable for bedtime stories? Damn her sister for having a sick sense of humor!)

Taiwan was supposed to have had a large family to grow up with, but in reality it was a little lonely to have lived on an island detached from everyone. The sea was dangerous and it was too much of a hassle to make the trip to see her, they said. China came by sometimes, but not nearly enough. Many times, Taiwan had gone to Fujian to ask where their big brother was, and Fujian had looked up from tending her scraggly crop of sweet potatoes to say, "Nah, he's not comin'. We pretty much gotta take care of ourselves down here."

What was meant by 'down here' was the southern wilds - those lands that had remained independent far longer than the rest.

"Bro's busy fighting people up north. He's always too busy to come see me, too."

It was because of Fujian that Taiwan was torn. This strange relationship she had with their brother was partly born of her longing to be with the sister who had always taken care of her; who had practically been her conjoined twin before Japan ripped them apart.

But then Fujian had said, "Hey, I used to be a full-fledged kingdom, ya know? I went through this rebellious stage where I called myself the Min Kingdom, just like how Guangdong was Nanyue at the time. It was an amazing experience, but just not my thing. It's a lot safer being a province. Less people out there wanting to take your vital regions that way..." She had shrugged and grinned. "If you really want it, though, you should go for it. You're young - take risks."

Taiwan had listened to that advice, and now things were a mess.

-oOo-

It was over dinner when Taiwan's uncertainties came to a head.

"Brother seems to be doing well these days. I mean his economy."

"Of course he is. He can't _not_ be doing well when Guangdong and I are doing the accounting."

"You mean you're actually staying home these days? You and sister Yue aren't running off all over the place annoying everyone by opening businesses on other people's land? The shock! The horror!"

"Hey! Why do we always get all the blame?"

"Because it's _always you_. Brother wouldn't be freaking people out by constantly popping up all over the world if _you two_ didn't always drag him out there in the first place!"

"Well, we've got this whole ocean in front of us, and there are adventures to be had on the other side!" Fujian brushed it all aside with a flippant wave of her hand. "If I wasn't like this, you might not exist."

"And maybe I would, but I'd be different. Indonesia and Malaysia and Philippines... They all hate me because of you!"

"Bro approves... We make good profit." Dollar signs literally lit up in her eyes.

"At the expense of others," Taiwan grumbled. She viciously stabbed her chopsticks into a poor piece of chicken that had done nothing wrong. It didn't matter if she was being petulantly childish. That wasn't Taiwan's problem - Fujian was the one who was too 'mature' and 'pragmatic' to think of the suffering of others!

"Others who are just jealous of how good we are with trade," her sister rebutted with a wag of her finger. "Me and Yue? Exploration's in our blood. You can't take the high ground on this one since you've joined us on our business excursions, and there's no shame in that. We're merchant provinces; always have been and always will be."

"I'm not a province."

"That part doesn't matter."

"It does too matter!"

"No, it really doesn't. It's the 'merchant' part that matters, not whatever you're calling yourself these days. Who cares about political borders? My people are still my people no matter where they live. Honestly, that's why your periods are so bad - because you're too tied to that island."

There was no arguing with Fujian when she got this way, in one of her "If it's for business, I'll do anything!" moods. And it made sense, in a way. It explained why her sister remained unaffected during changes in weather when they were both buffeted by the same tides. Typhoons hit Fujian's coast too, but her sense of self - her nationhood - was spread out across the globe. Min had not been sovereign for a thousand years; her people were now scattered and shared with other nations, but wherever they brought her language and culture... became hers.

But Taiwan couldn't be like that. Without her land, what did she have? She merely shook her head.

"We share too many people. If I just 'let go' of my home, you'd take over and I'd lose myself. I'd become one with you."

Fujian blinked once; then twice.

"...I hadn't thought of that. Huh. I guess you would."

"You're not even going to deny it, are you?" Taiwan narrowed her eyes.

"Nope. Want some tea?"

"You never think of anything besides food and money, do you?"

"Nope."

Taiwan glanced at her pityingly. That was her sister all right... And as much as she loved Fujian and wanted to be close to her, this was close enough.

"Oh, wait! Sometimes I also think about sex! And hot guys getting it on!"

...Yup. Definitely her sister.

* * *

**A/N:** On Fujian and Guangdong... um... One's a raging BL fangirl hiding behind her SRS BIZNESSwoman veneer, and the other's a lesbian. A kick-ass kung-fu lesbian, might I add. History supports this! Once upon a time, people in China were like, "Dudes, you know the southern provinces are all gay, right?" Fujian allowed male marriages and was widely known as the buttsecks capitol of the world. Like when Italy came on by, he was all, "Whoa. I've never seen so much buttsecks in my life!" And this is Italy we're talking about. He's seen a lot of buttsecks.

In Guangdong, the women of the Golden Lotus Society married each other and adopted kids and... and headcanon says that Hong Kong has two mommies. (Perhaps the other is fem!Iggy...?) The first ever recorded martial arts instructor in all of history was known as "the Yue woman" who had a sword and a bow and trained armies LIKE A BOSS. (Little did the people know that she was actually Yue, the spirit of their nation...) But yeah. Haha, regardless of how crazy my headcanon is, China's "parts down south" are gay. Trufax.


End file.
